I need to confess that I have never been one much drawn to 'being spiritual' or to becoming 'enlightened' but over the past few years I have found myself more and more attracted to the benefit of freeing self from self while being in the present active moment. However in talking with others I notice that for me being 'spiritual' and more 'enlightened' appears to have me looking in a different place to most, which is okay, just that it may not make too much sense.

The area I find myself looking into more and more is my experience of EGO and how it appears to blott out my eternal light that has been forever burning, radiating, shining within.
[haven't quite located this either - but I am assured its there]

Must say I'm not too excited about what I am experiencing...and noticing about this ego experience of mine.. and would really like to let this thing go... at least no longer give it automatic 'ultimate' reign, 'ultimate' authority' over how I 'should' go about making my way through my day. I notice how it has me arc up in panic, in anticipated terror of some imaginery, projected 'threat' whenever I want to step up to something I have no control over. It has me drop everything and summon all resources to protect it (ego) from this clearly unsubstantiated threat.

Now I could change my state, make my move, gesture, lean in, talk faster, but why!!? what for!!? There is NO threat.. there is NOTHING to protect... the ego is just a wriggling ball of worms made up of beliefs, convictions, experiences, references, imprints.

The thing that fascinates me is that even though I (think) I know this to be true before I know it I am carry out its commands, asking its permissions, avoiding, playing small, hesitating, delaying, reacting.

How does one free oneself from oneself?

Well one way I hear is to systematically push it into a corner, to not do this ego, to not pick it up.

Easier said than done.. One slippery piece of work

But I'm working on it

Looking for it in a different place.

Post edited by: robl715, at: 2007/10/26 01:02

Post edited by: robl715, at: 2007/10/26 01:05

Hi Rob,

Thanks for a truly honest and open post... I will want to revisit it when I have more time to ponder the very interesting discussion you have raised...

I just wanted to throw in my first response, which came up for me when you said "Now I could change my state, make my move, gesture, lean in, talk faster, but why!!? what for!!?"

I smiled when I read this... I agree that "changing your state", "making your move" etc has limited use! What I have found profoundly useful in my own spiritual journey of discovery is to accept ALL emotions / responses as equally valid (after all what we resist persists). When we can acknowledge and accept things exactly as they are, even if it our EGO having an "angry" response (or any other response), then I think we begin to move towards freedom or "enlightenment". When you accept and even embrace the EGO perhaps then asking yourself "what is my EGO's highest intention right now?"

A couple of books that I have found particularly useful on this subject: Freedom Is by Brandon Bays and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

I would be fascinated to continue this discussion with you!

Blessings
Renee